If you walked up to me with a straight face saying that you predicted what would happen in the first week of the 2023 NFL season, I'd call you a liar. The Dallas Cowboys destroyed the upstart New York Giants 40-0, Joe Burrow didn't clear 100 passing yards, the New York Jets beat the Buffalo Bills after losing Aaron Rodgers four snaps into the game, and all of this after the Kansas City Chiefs lost to the Detroit Lions to open the season on Thursday night.

So it only stands to reason that more chaos is in store for NFL Week 2. Thursday didn't deliver the same excitement with the Eagles thrashing the Vikings much more so than the final score indicated. That just leaves more calamity for Sunday, though.

And what's better than expecting chaos in the NFL? Trying to predict it, of course. That's what we're doing, making five ridiculous and bold predictions for NFL Week 2, knowing they probably won't come true. Even if that means the odds are one in a million...

Damn right there's a chance. With that, let's get into these bold NFL Week 2 predictions.

NFL Week 2 bold prediction, No. 5: Lions blow out Seahawks by 20+

As mentioned, Detroit opened up their 2023 campaign with an emphatic win over the Chiefs. Granted, Kansas City's offense sans Travis Kelce left quite a bit to be desired, particularly with the wide receiver showing the worst display of butterfingers since you're last trip to the movie theater.

However, credit to the Lions in taking advantage of that. More importantly, the defense as a whole did look much improved, particularly putting new Chiefs tackles Jawaan Taylor and Donovan Smith through the wringer. Now they get to go up against a Seahawks offense that is without both starting tackles for Week 2 and that was dominated by the Rams last week, particularly in the second half.

I have immense faith in Lions OC Ben Johnson to take advantage of an average Seattle defense. They should be able to dial up big plays to Amon-Ra St. Brown and the like, but also control the game on the ground with David Montgomery and Jahmyr Gibbs. When it comes down to it, though, the Detroit defense will be the engine that drives the team to a blowout victory.

With Aidan Hutchinson, James Houston, and more bearing down on Geno Smith against a patchwork O-line, it's going to be a long day at the office for the Seahawks quarterback -- especially with the improved Lions secondary to take advantage of poor throws. The end result will be the Lions moving to 2-0 with a 20+ point triumph in Week 2.

NFL Week 2 bold prediction, No. 4: Tyreek Hill gets 250 yards vs. Patriots

Coming into the season, Miami Dolphins wide receiver Tyreek Hill boldly proclaimed that he was going to become the first wide receiver in NFL history to hit the 2,000-yard mark in a single season. After one game, maybe that prediction wasn't so bold after all.

In Miami's Week 1 thrilling win over the Chargers, Hill was truly unguardable. The electric pass-catcher was targeted a team-high 15 times by Tua Tagovailoa and converted that into 11 receptions for 215 yards and two touchdowns. For those keeping track at home and struggling with math, that puts Hill more than 1/10th of the way to his 2,000-yard goal... with 16 games still remaining.

Now the Dolphins will travel to face a division rival on Sunday Night Football in Week 2, taking on the Patriots in Foxboro. To be sure, New England's defense slowed down the Eagles in the season opener and should offer a much more formidable defense than the Chargers did against Miami.

But even if that's the case, they still don't have a single soul on the roster who can keep up with Tyreek Hill.

Whether it's Christian Gonzalez, Myles Bryant or any corner on the Patriots roster on Sunday night, they are going to get a heavy dose of Hill. Dolphins head coach Mike McDaniel has leaned all the way into getting his playmakers the ball creatively and that won't subside in this matchup. Not only will Hill replicate his 200-yard performance from last week in Week 2, he'll up the ante by getting to the 250 mark against the Pats.

NFL Week 2 bold prediction, No. 3: Cowboys complete NY shutout, blank Jets

Daniel Jones thought he was going to MetLife Stadium on Sunday Night Football in Week 1. Once he took the field against the Dallas Cowboys defense, though, he quickly realized he was in absolute hell.

Jones and the Giants drove down the field on their first possession of the game, but were stopped in Dallas terriotry. The Cowboys then blocked that field goal attempt and returned it for a touchdown. From that point on, it was a lesson in dominance from America's Team and Dan Quinn's defense as they kept the G-Men off of the scoreboard while holding the Giants to 2.6 yards per play, forcing three turnovers (one interception returned for a touchdown) and sacking Jones seven times.

Now we get to see this Cowboys team welcome the other New York team, the Jets, to AT&T Stadium on Sunday afternoon. As you may have heard, this is a Jets team that went all in on Aaron Rodgers this offseason, but the quarterback tore his Achilles after just four snaps at the helm of the offense. Zach Wilson is now the starter, which is great news for Dallas and bad news for the Jets.

While some people might see the Cowboys vs. Zach Wilson matchup and think it's going to be another blowout, that might not wholly be the case. The Jets defense didn't lose Rodgers and remains one of the better units in the NFL. They should have some success limiting Dak Prescott and the offense throughout this game. Unfortunately for them, their offense will have precisely no success.

Behind an offensive line that there were already concerns about, Wilson is going to be tormented by the Cowboys defense for 60 minutes. That won't work out well for the Jets in the slightest and, when the final whistle blows, Dallas will not have allowed a single point to either of the New York teams to start the season.

NFL Week 2 bold prediction, No. 2: Jordan Love accounts for 5 TDs

The anemic Bears offense undoubtedly made life easy for the Green Bay Packers in Jordan Love's first start in the post-Rodgers era for the franchise. Even if that was the case, though, you have to respect and tip a cap to the former first-round pick for the performance he put forth on that big of a stage -- even without Christian Watson on the field.

Love might not have been the most efficient passer but he consistently made plays and pushed the ball downfield. All told, the 2020 first-rounder finished the 38-20 win for the Packers going 15-of-27 for 245 yards (9.1 yards per attempt) with three touchdowns and no turnovers, adding 12 rushing yards to his credit as well.

Now the Packers travel to Atlanta for NFL Week 2 and the Falcons are coming off of a season-opening win of their own. Of course, that came against Bryce Young in his first NFL game ever with the Panthers. And truth be told, the Falcons weren't overly impressive in that game, especially given the situation.

Green Bay is likely to be shorthanded in Week 2 as Aaron Jones, Watson, and several other key offensive players are listed as questionable for the trip to Atlanta. Even still, the Packers are just clearly the better team. And more importantly, this will be the time for Love to have gotten past any jitters and take over as the head honcho of this offense. He'll do so by putting the Falcons in a blender, using his arm and legs to bury the Dirty Birds with five touchdowns to his tally.

NFL Week 2 bold prediction, No. 1: Travis Kelce returns with 10+ catches, 2+ TDs

It's pretty easy to point at the Kansas City Chiefs' loss to the Lions and point out the absence of tight end Travis Kelce (and perhaps defensive tackle Chris Jones, too) as the primary reason why they were unable to come out on top.

But now the Chiefs have the news they were hoping for coming into NFL Week 2. Though Kelce was listed as questionable and limited in practice, he's set to play against the Jaguars. And there aren't many more matchups on Kansas City's schedule that are more favorable to the mustachioed future Hall of Famer having a monster 2023 debut to celebrate his return to the field.

Obviously, Kelce is the straw that stirs the drink for the Chiefs offense. We saw that with how the pass-catchers struggled against Detroit, but we've also seen as much on the field. Meanwhile, the Jaguars have some talent at safety and linebacker, but no one in that group who has proven even remotely capable of slowing down Kelce when he's clicking with Patrick Mahomes.

Yes, the knee bruise that kept the tight end out of action in Week 1 might slow Kelce down slightly. But 85% of Travis Kelce is still better than most of the tight ends in the NFL. With Mahomes throwing to him on top of that, he's going to be targeted heavily, and he'll make the most of that, including finding the end zone at least twice in a Chiefs victory.