Just when I thought Denver Broncos quarterback Russell Wilson couldn't be any cornier, this delectable piece of viral video content surfaced on the internet on a June Saturday afternoon.
I don't even know what to say any more about Denver Broncos quarterback Russell Wilson…
After a season that was so bad that it might actually keep him out of Canton, Wilson hit the gym so hard, hoping not to slide any further down the NFL's quarterbacking hierarchy. He is closer to last than he is to first in his mid-30s. As a 30-something myself, getting old sucks. Everything hurts and very few people like the man I have become. And with that, I can relate to Wilson here.
All my life, I've been searching for something, prayed for someone like you: He is my everything!
I'll give AL.com's Andrew Hammond all the credit for inspiring this: Broncos Country, let's slide!
This is the corniest thing I have seen since looking for a long, lost baseball at the Field of Dreams…
Russell Wilson wants Broncos Country to slide up out of the AFC West basement
I hate to tell y'all this, but I don't have that Wolverine blood in me. Although I have never been on a transatlantic flight before, I can guarantee you that I will not be doing high knees in the middle of the aisle for four hours, while complete strangers sleep mere feet from my feet. And if I broke one of my fingers again, I'm not going to do 19 hours of continuous rehab on it because I have to sleep.
Will any of this exercise help Wilson return to glory, or more importantly, help the Broncos return to the postseason? I sincerely doubt it, but I love being proven wrong. It has been a seven-year itch from hell for Broncos Country. They have never been down this bad before. But like Sean Payton leaving the FOX studio set after only one year for all that Walmart money, I too can be persuaded.
Ultimately, this is just who Wilson is. It is just par for the course. We needed some cringeworthy content to sink our chompers into because football is life, and we're straight-up addicted to it. The only way this would have been better is if Jim Harbaugh was powering through the awkwardness and did this workout himself, trying to impress The Walton-Penners for the gig he lost to Payton.
In what will be the 25th anniversary of John Elway's final season, here's to a rematch in Las Vegas!